Why Do We Visit Family Only After Tragedy?
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Why does it usually take a tragedy for people to visit family? I am sure this is not the case for everyone but I am sure this is true for at least 50% of people.
Unfortunately, I am one of those people in the 50% area. When we used to live in Delaware we would visit my parents and grandparents every other month if not once a month. Once we moved to MD three years ago we visit my parents and grandparents every 3-4 months. Part of the reason is the 1.5 – 2 hour car ride from MD to Southern NJ. Shaun and Shae are not built for long car rides which really makes me think twice before we take a road trip. The other part is laziness on my behalf. I hate driving and the thought of a 2 hour ride to NJ and a 2 hour ride to MD all in one day is just too much to bear sometimes.
On Saturday I got a call from my mother that my father was in the hospital because he had some tightening in his chest. After I spoke to my mother Melinda and I planned to take a road trip with the kids to the hospital in Abington, PA on Sunday. Why was this road trip any different from all of the others and why did we decide to take one in less than two minutes? It was the tragedy of the situation. Even though not life threatening it could turn life threatening any time and I wanted to see my father just in case something went wrong.
As I am writing this post I am realizing that I have been selfish for the last three years. Because we live far from relatives we do not visit as often unless something serious happens. I need to make it a point to visit family because I want to and because I want them to spend some time with my kids.
Do you tend to visit family after tragedy or do you visit family more often?
Unfortunately, I am one of those people in the 50% area. When we used to live in Delaware we would visit my parents and grandparents every other month if not once a month. Once we moved to MD three years ago we visit my parents and grandparents every 3-4 months. Part of the reason is the 1.5 – 2 hour car ride from MD to Southern NJ. Shaun and Shae are not built for long car rides which really makes me think twice before we take a road trip. The other part is laziness on my behalf. I hate driving and the thought of a 2 hour ride to NJ and a 2 hour ride to MD all in one day is just too much to bear sometimes.
As I am writing this post I am realizing that I have been selfish for the last three years. Because we live far from relatives we do not visit as often unless something serious happens. I need to make it a point to visit family because I want to and because I want them to spend some time with my kids.
Do you tend to visit family after tragedy or do you visit family more often?
March 9, 2010 7:12 AM
Don't beat yourself up too much, Rob. Just make moments like these teachable ones so that you'll stay focused on what's most important and not the details (the length of car rides, gas money, etc.). I'm guilty of the same myself from time to time, but with friends also. Fortunately tragedy or something threatening hasn't caused me to reach out, sometimes it's a chance meeting or I just think about what's important in life and realize that most of the stuff I say is, just isn't.
March 9, 2010 11:53 AM
We don't visit our families as often as we should. I grew up on long island, and went to college in buffalo, moved to rochester. Now i only fly home about once year and my parents generally come up twice (usually one of the times they bring my cousin up to visit). Like most families, mine is pretty dysfunctional (Alcoholics and drug use) so i try to stay away but then when my uncle died and i flew home. i felt so guilty for not staying in touch and visiting more. The truth is since, he passed, things went back to the same way they were. Its not like anyone other than my parents comes to visit me either. I talk to my mom usually 2 times a week. My boyfriends family is the same way, His cousin, the same age as him passed away unexpectedly last week and it was the first time the family had been together in a very long time. It was pretty akward and everyone stayed in their little family cliques.
March 9, 2010 12:47 PM
I live in MD too and have family & friends in NYC. It's a 4 hrs drive each way but we do it every 2 months or so. My husband drives and he hates driving but he does it since we want our son to spend as much time with both his set of grandparents while they're still here. I think if you do it more often, you get used to it more and it won't be so bad.
Hope your dad is ok!
March 9, 2010 3:34 PM
I am so sorry about your dad. How is he?
I hate long trips too. They kill me. I am thankful my parents live 5 minutes from me. My inlaws and sister are about an hour. I actually will do those drives, it's just I am seldom invited. LOL. My sister and I usually meet at my moms, since my grandparents live their too.
Now, prekids I used to visit my BFF who is a 4 hour drive like every other month. Post kids, it's just hard on them. KWIM? But even if you don't drop everything to visit all the time, dropping things to visit in a crisis shows your love. believe it or not, not everyone would do that still stating the drive is too long.
Hugs and I hope everything is okay!
March 9, 2010 6:38 PM
Nope. I live in the same town as almost all of my family and I still don't visit with them. It's sad really. But it also keeps me sane.
March 10, 2010 12:25 AM
I *only* see my mother's family (right down to her Dad!) only at funerals. I don't really know any of them. I'm only close with her mom, my grandmother. My hubby finds it so odd but I grew up not knowing them.
I see Hubby's family almost daily.
March 11, 2010 9:39 AM
I'm lucky that a good chunk my side of the family lives just a few minutes away and we actually gather every Thursday night for dinner. It's strengthened our relationship by leaps and bounds.
Outside of that, though, it's just hard to get everyone going at the same time to make a trip across state lines. This weekend we're heading to DE for the first time since December, but we would not have thought about it if we were not having a major painting project done and have to be out of the house. (And actually, we were planning a trip to the Maryland Zoo until the rain popped up in the forecast...)